Can't stop the cat cleaning

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So, you want a cat that does your cleaning? Good luck with that. I share an apartment with two cats and I've yet to bust them with a handkerchief and mop. But I have busted them doing.... other things. Like ralphing on my door jamb and dragging their rear across the freshly mopped floor. Maybe I just need a little more brandy? Then I suppose I'll be seeing all kinds of stuff!

I've stitched two of these "lucky" kittens - the Monday and Tuesday designs. There are 7 large kitten patterns for each day of the week - their bodies are comprised of big cross-stitches. There are two smaller patterns that work well as potholders, and another rectangular image with two kittens that says good luck that would be cute as a framed sampler. My set is 1 complete, uncut sheet.

All the popular girls have tomato escorts

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Yeah, I know my titles are getting weirder and weirder. Maybe it's the heat? Out of nowhere, it is 89 degrees in Manhattan. To give you a clue of how this feels, I haven't moved in about 20 minutes, I am drinking an iced drink and I am still sweating. In places that don't seem like they should sweat.

In any case, back to the transfers!

This gem was donated to me by the lovely Robin - it's a set that is cut but looks complete - 4 motifs for tea towels say "Breakfast", "Lunchtime", "Teatime", and "Dinnertime." Also a "Glasses" towel and a chubby-cheeked tot with an immense dinner knife that says "Silver."

And finally, my favorite, which I've included above - a horrified girl being escorted by a carrot with a cane and a jaunty tomato who tips his hat at her. (I removed the carrot to conserve space and somewhat lessen her psychological damage.) Two smaller potholder designs - a cross-stitch teacup and a big, sweetly smiling tomato. Thanks Robin!

Can you handle the cute? Can you?

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It's a cat in a shoe, peeps. Do I really need to say more? Okay, maybe I do. The cat is fluffy, and it's kitten-sized. It's wearing a ribbon, rather elegantly tied around its fluffy neck. It's curled up in a high-heeled pump. With daisies on it. If that didn't just hit you with cute like an 18 wheeler full of Peeps, I don't know what will.

This reminds me of a fascinating conversation that went down on Feeling Stitchy last week, in which I realized I am guilty of a double standard. If this kitty were cross-stitched, I would have no use for her. I would find her tawdry and silly and excessively sweet. Like, I'm wearing pink lace and I've got-you-in-a-chokehold, sweet. But, as an embroidery pattern, I find her kitschy and retro and silly and cute. Her cute is pretty powerful, but I can handle her cute. Am I alone here? Crazy? Feel free to chime in on this... :)

Also on this sheet are two large floral patterns for pillowcases, neither of which are as seriously, crazily cute as this kitten, however. My sheet is unused and uncut. The owner wrote, in ballpoint pen on the front of the envelope, "Jan 11-62".

This pup does underpants

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flipped

I really like the idea of your pets doing household chores for you. Take, for instance, my handwashing last evening. How helpful it would have been if I had had an adorable puppy to hang my underpants on a clothesline. Not that I can fit a clothesline in my 7 X 10 room... well, unless I want wet underpants dripping on my head. And early this morning, when it came time to blow dry my underpants (they had not dried overnight, due, no doubt, to the lack of a clothesline, and a pup to hang them up properly) I'm sure pups would have cheerfully sprung to my aid. And, he could have even changed the fuse when my blow drier shorted out my ancient outlet. Again.

Puppy dreams aside... on my sheet are 7 helpful pups designs. Also a cute pup in a window, for an apron, and 4 small motifs for potholders. This is the oldest looking of a large batch of transfers I bought on Ebay. The envelope is very tattered, and torn along one side. My sheet is cut and partially used.

Have you stitched one of these pups? Or, better yet, do you have a pup that can help with my household chores? Preference will be given to pups that know how to launder underpants. Thank you.

Go take a bath

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flipped

I'm not a huge fan of baths myself, but I am fond of telling others to take a bath. Why not let this poodle assist? This set originally had 6 poodle days of the week designs for kitchen or tea towels (some days of the week sets don't include Sunday, it seems, since it was a day of rest.) There are two smaller designs for potholders - one with the poodle saying "Don't Burn Your Paws"! :) Also a design for a Mixer and Toaster cover. I can't get over the poodle in a turban, mopping and scrubbing, or sporting cute glasses to do her sewing.

My set is cut and incomplete - I'm missing the Mixer and Toaster cover and the Saturday design. Anyone stitched the poodle? We really need to see that, you know.

Ain't love grand... when you're a bird

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flipped version (for transfer pencil)

It occurs to me that some of you might not be printing out these transfers to trace with a transfer pencil - instead, you put your fabric over the monitor and trace directly. In which case, from now on I'll offer 2 versions - right way and flipped, for transfer pencil. Will I go back and flip all the other ones? Not unless I become a robot. Sorry, but when a girl's got 3 blogs, 2 twitters, and 2 facebooks, she must distribute her time wisely. :)

Here are the birds in love again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it birds. Ain't life grand when you're in love. When you're a bird. You don't have to be so smug about it. Perfect size for a pillowcase (maybe you might want to enlarge your pattern to cover more area.) Or maybe you want to tell these happy birds to stuff it. I won't judge you. We can't all be happy birds in love, you know.

Anybody stitched this? Always wanted to stitch it, but never have...

Can't stop the veggie dancing

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Yet another homage to romance, to let you know my heart is not shriveled and withered... yet. I don't know, but there's nothing like the delightful spectacle of two veggies dancing to give me that loving feeling. You can keep your romantic comedies, Hollywood! Dancing veggies is where it's at.

On my sheet are 3 large dancing vegetable designs: "Vegetable Polka", "Garden Waltz," and the "Vitamin Ballet." Also three dancing crockery motifs - a spoon, teacup, and wineglass all bear polka-dotted skirts and happy grins, representing "Silver," "China", and "Glass." There are 3 large cross-stitch motifs that also say "Silver," "China", and "Glass." Finally, there's a small singing tomato motif that says "Hot Pots", a posing green bean and 6 tiny dancing veggies that would make an adorable border for a table runner.

Two motifs are cut out but appear unused - the rest of the sheet is intact and unused. I may be missing one of the tiny dancing veggie designs, it's hard to tell.

Any of you stitched these veggies before? Show and tell, please! :)

Bird Romance

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Now, let me just get something out of the way here - I am not a very romantic person. I mean - I believe in true love and all that, but my skin really crawls when people get all schmoopy on each other. In public. But with birds, a little schmoopiness, you know - it's totally acceptable. So, in honor of that totally overblown, give-me-a-reason-to-fight-with-you holiday we refer to as Valentine's Day, let me lay some cute PDA on you. You just tell these birds to get a room. They ain't listenin.

Also on this sheet are 3 large designs meant for pillowcases - a cute cat peeping out of a rose or poppy as if it grew there, Cabbage-Patch-like. Also 2 lambs jumping a fence with their little pink tongues hanging out, as if to say "Geez, it's hard work getting you guys to sleep!" And, the lovebirds. Also a few small rose motifs and cross-stitch lettering for Mr, Mrs, Mine and Yours. Wouldn't it be funny, by the way, to decorate your bathroom in a really selfish way by labeling all the towels "Mine" and none "Yours?" Hee hee. Visitors would be baffled. :)

You can tell my pattern has seen better days - tattered, lots of age spots and that telltale "old smell" is so strong it makes me sneeze. (Thank God for plastic sleeves.) Also, my sheet is incomplete - I'm missing the kitty peeping out of the rose.

Here's the big old version of those birdies, suitable for a nice pillowcase:

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I stitched this baby for my sister a couple of years back:


By the way, I dunno why I put a big old copyright floresita on there. It was a brief craze of mine. I thought it looked stupid so I stopped.

Here are the birdies up close:

Anybody else stitch this? Leave a link, we'd love to see it!

Really, this won't hurt a bit!

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Ah, those sneaky saucepans, luring shy, innocent veggies to their saucy deaths!

I, for one, was so shocked by this saucepan's behavior that I added a stern message below:

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In addition to the "death by saucepan" motif, there's a cute cooking boy as well:

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If you were around for the first time I shared this pattern, you may have been privy to our comments on the baker's generously-sized derriere. The baker pattern was hereby christened, "Baker got back." See, I don't even have to come up with this stuff. I rely on you guys for the really good ones. :) Also on my sheet, there's a teacup-headed baseball player "stepping up to the plate" (har, har), a smiling flour canister making eyes at a scoop, cross stitch borders and veggies, salt and pepper shakers and salad dressing, smiling milk and mixing bowl, and moustachioed frying pan brandishing a faceless frankfurter while a horrified egg looks on, (whoa, violence galore on this one!) a baking girl that says "Bake on Saturday", and a mammy-looking pattern with a cake. By the way, thank you to my stitching friend Drewzel, for sending me the rest of this pattern!

Birds in the Brandy

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This bird had a bit too much to drink. This sheet has 6 large designs for kitchen towels. 3 feature the antics of these cute little birds - a mama bird with a baby in a teacup for "China", a bird admiring its reflection in a silver pot for "Silver", and this one, with the bird sleeping one off, for "Glass." 3 other designs show a puppy with a teacup on its head (for China), a bear holding a champagne flute (for Glass), and a kitten holding cutlery (for Silver). What's oddest about these 3 cute designs is that not only are they cute animals... they're cute animal puppets. On hands. Can it get any stranger or cuter? Now, jog my memory, people - did someone embroider one of these weird hand puppets awhile back? I think someone did, but I can't remember who or where I saw it. Have you embroidered this? Any links would be appreciated!

Also 3 adorable potholder motifs of critters holding signs: the kitten's sign says "Don't Burn Your Paws", the bear's sign says "Careful Hot Pots" and the puppy's sign says "Watch Out It's Hot." One more small design of the adorable bird burning its feet on a hot pan. My envelope is in perfect shape, and my transfer sheet is complete and uncut.

Be an Angel

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My envelope is in perfect shape, except for a little fading in the corner and I have one complete, uncut sheet, numbered 668. Here is the Thursday design - shopping for Angel Food and Star Dust! This reminds me of the time I tagged along to a parole meeting when I was 7 or 8, and the parole officer had written an enchanting list of substances on a chalk board, one of which was Angel Dust. I seriously thought they were all discussing pastries. Ah, youth. :)

Bear in Mind, It's Wednesday

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There are 7 cuddly bear motifs on this sheet numbered 662, featuring the bear washing, sitting astride a giant iron, sitting on a wooden spool mending, dusting and cleaning, wearing a hat and purse while shopping, baking cookies, and on Sunday, relaxing with a book and a butterfly. Each day of the week design says "Bear in mind" on the top - beary cute, eh? Three smaller designs show the bear with a steaming kettle, a smoking pot, and a cooking spoon that would be cute for potholders. Also cross-stitched lettering that says "Hot Pots", "Hot Pans," "Holder," and a cross-stitched border with tea kettles and daisies.

My transfer sheet is almost complete and unused - 1 small potholder motif has been cut and used, but it's still in the envelope. I've never stitched these little guys - have you? :)

Goldilocks and post-porridge madness

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This sheet tells the story of Goldilocks and the three bears - so there's a lot of porridge-eating and running from bears. Additionally, Goldilocks appears to get confused and as you see above, does a bit of bear-chasing, herself. Baby Bear steals the show with some cute antics although what he's doing in that tree - eh, let's not go there. :) There are also beautiful cross-stitch border designs. My envelope is in good condition but the transfers are partially cut, used, and incomplete. I'm missing the cute motifs of Papa, Mama and Baby Bear taking a walk.

I've never stitched this pattern before - have you? I did stitch another of the Goldilocks images, though, and it's looking pretty cute:

Maybe I'll scan that one someday if you're good. Or, maybe I'll get really lazy and not do it. Please don't judge me. :)

Gay Kittens and Puppies For Every Use

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Oh, I think you'll recognize these shocked pets. Truly cuteness overload on this sheet - never have I seen so many cute dogs and cats doing such unbelievably impractical things! There's a kitty in a sombrero, a stern-looking puppy in a sarape, Russian clad puppy and cat doing a dance, a stately looking dog and cat playing cards, cross-stitched scotties, a stargazing pup in pajamas, and numerous sweet dog and cat heads. They are all adorable, but most hilarious, for me, has to be the kitten and puppy caught unawares in their skivvies - pets in underpants?! And they're all very gay, as the envelope declares.

Some motifs on my sheet have been cut and used, and the sheet has (age?) spots. Nevertheless, they're adorable.

Gay "South of the Border" Motifs

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So, it's been quite some time since I shared patterns with you. I decided to re-post some old patterns I had removed. A lot of these are patterns you downloaded in the past and have asked me about, so I'm happy to share them again. These are all vintage patterns that are in the public domain. Some of you may remember the name of the defunct company associated with these patterns - I won't use the company name since it is trademarked and owned by someone else. Hope you enjoy them! :)

I found these inside another envelope, but I could tell by the number at the bottom (133) that this was from another set. My piece has the two cute boy and girl dancers, a couple of cactus and a cross-stitch border. I've wanted this set for a long time, so this was a great "teaser"... :) Oh, and I didn't call her gay. The envelope did. I swear.

My stitched-up version of this senorita is my all-time most popular Flickr pic. Funny huh? It is probably my favorite project, though. Have you stitched up the senorita? Please leave a link so we can have a look see! :)